The Final Post

In this final reflection, I could honestly just leave it at a simple ‘I learnt A LOT’ – and be done with it.

Then again, that would not do the past 14 weeks justice.

One of the main things I’ve learnt is that I simply have so much to learn! I came into this module knowing that I was capable of speaking in front, and holding the attention, of people. However, as I participated in the process of nurturing others and being nurtured by others, I quickly realised that I had areas that needed improvement – especially in my ‘ums’ and ‘ahs’, multitasking with cue-cards in one hand and a pointer in the other, distributing eye contact and so on.

More than that, as I saw my peers – most notably through ones like Liyana, Ding Long and Vanessa – I saw how they developed their style of speaking to the point that they could speak steadily, crisply, with confidence and without resorting to much ‘ums’ and ‘ahs’.

That was amazing! I found myself to be a fast-paced speaker who mainly utilized that fast pace to keep the attention of the audience. However, seeing my peers present in such a manner really gave me a desire to also explore this steady-yet-authoritative style of speaking for myself.

Also, I especially enjoyed how the content covered also served to complement the things learnt under the Social Work department. This includes content such as the significance of the nonverbal, the causes for communication breakdown, the 7 Cs in communication and so on. Especially helpful was the content covered on doing up one’s application letter and proposal – these were areas that even the practice-oriented curriculum in Social Work could not cover.

Lastly (sort of), I especially learnt how a comfortable class culture could really allow for not just the tutor, but also for my peers to reflect back to, and further mould, me.

More has still been yet to be said, but in essence: ‘I learnt A LOT.’

Take care everyone – and don’t be strangers!

Reflection on Teamwork

It's been - and still is - quite the journey thus far in putting this proposal together. Striving to find contacts, collect information, think up solutions and communicate our ideas in the best way possible - all within a quickly diminishing time-limit - has been a very interesting team experience.

Many challenges were surely met, but most of them (in my point of view) have been overcome.

The first one was our scheduling. Finding a common time-slot is merely a routine administrative task, but as all three of us hailed from various faculties and had quite a few commitments outside of NUS, it proved to be a daunting challenge. Technology really helped - email and especially Google drive - but eventually, sacrifices had to be made, and we found ourselves holding our meetings on Sunday afternoons. 

The second challenge was really to maintain a 'innocent-until-proven-guilty' view of each other, especially when deadlines were drawing near. Each of us went through a spell of illness, during which we were unable to contribute - and rightfully so! However, the team still did have to overcome some measure of blaming (even though it was never verbalised) with respect to late or unfinished work. Overall, I felt that keeping channels of communication constantly open was vital in order to enable the postponing of judgement, through clarification over certain actions (or lack of).

The last challenge, I felt, was the general nature of the team to be overwhelmingly task-oriented. Thus far, we have been churning our parts out and sticking to our 'to-do' lists - but I had hoped that there could have been a greater show of appreciation for one another, even though we were all working hard. However, I do believe that an experience of such a 'celebrative' culture within the team would require me to take initiative, and get the ball rolling.

I do look forward to the end of my group's presentation and an end to our labours. At the same time, I do appreciate the lessons that I have received on sacrifice, postponing judgement, and initiative. Here's to my team - cheers!

Cross-Cultural Romance

About three years ago, Jeremy, my brother, got into a relationship with a Caucasian Australian, Louise. Six months into the relationship, they became set on marriage – and a natural step was to get to know the in-laws.

Jeremy was quickly received and approved of by Louise's parents. However, Louise’s introduction and, subsequent relationship, with my mother were anything but smooth.

The face to face interaction between the two started very cordially. However, over time, we noticed a tenseness between the two – the smiles seemed forced, especially when in contrast with their cold eyes. Furthermore, they would individually reflect on how they felt unsure of each other to either Jeremy or to us (his siblings).

These little of ‘information’ usually left me feeling very annoyed and drained – why couldn’t they simply talk things out?! I felt like I was in the midst of a spite-war.

A fight never broke out between the two. However, my brother did snap under the pressure of mediating, as well as conveying messages, between the two. This happened when my mother delivered an ultimatum to him: “Break up with Louise, or else she will destroy this family!” 

He got so upset that he began shouting hysterically and actually smashed a chair on the ground in full view of my parents. When I found out, I was frankly more angered at my mother’s words and attitude, than at my brother’s!

My mother was brought up to place ultimate value on the family. Everything that threatened the family’s solidarity had to go. Furthermore, she also believed that the would-be daughter-in-law had to ‘prove herself’ before being accepted. Lastly, it was only right that the daughter-in-law should bring up issues to the husband's mother, and not the other way around.

Louise, on the other hand, came from a more liberal background. She addressed her parents by their names, and was not raised in a home with a lot of familial obligations and expectations. Her parents were as willing, and prone, to initiate apologies and discussions over issues.

My brother too had his own culture – a mix of the two. He valued family, and thus desired my parents’ blessing. However, he also carried a measure of individualism; he would not dismiss his relationship with Louise so simply. I feel my sister and I would probably fall into this category as well.

Thus, it is actually not too hard to see how this got this complicated. My family environment was one with more interactional rules as compared to Louise’s. Furthermore, these rules were hardly explicit. Thus Louise understandably needed time, and an understanding environment, to adapt.

Both women also had incompatible expectations and assumptions of each other. Louise wanted to ‘just be herself’, while my mother was expecting her to fit a certain mold. Louise and my mother both expected each other to initiate reconciliation, as both felt that for them to do it themselves would be just 'wrong'.

Lastly, in playing mediator, my brother further encouraged them to conceive each other from their cultured perspectives. Eventually, both cultures threatened to tear him apart. Perhaps my sister and I could have also been more assertive in enlightening both on the fact that they were tremendously misunderstanding each other.

These were some conclusions that my family (including Louise) drew through discussion.
What could have been other reasons for this tension between the two?

Louise has reconciled with my mother, and the marriage happened.
This awesome fellow joined the party a year later!
(Also, Louise and Jeremy are fake names)

Resolving Interpersonal Conflict

It has been six weeks into my internship. Working with patients suffering from cancer has been draining, difficult, but surprisingly fulfilling. So far, I have found it a constant amazement at how humble and appreciative patients and family members alike can be, in the face of such an overwhelming disease.

I was handed a case-file for a Mrs Tan. She was suffering from the last stages of lung cancer. Moreover, she was also suffering from kidney failure. The doctors posited that she only had weeks to live, and had called in the Medical Social Work department to see to the emotional well-being of the patient, as well as the family.

Mrs Tan’s family was hard to get a hold of - neither responding to phone-calls, nor visiting Mrs Tan at regular hours. I resorted to routinely visiting her ward during lunch times.

I finally managed to meet Derrick, Mrs Tan’s son, in the ward. We decided to speak outside the ward, in view of the patients. I introduced myself as a Medical Social Work intern, and that I was here to find out what ways I could be of assistance to his family. I found Derrick to be a filial son, who was also fully apprised of his mother’s situation. He was sorrowful, but had accepted the inevitability of his mother’s condition.

At one point, he mentioned that he had trouble managing the costs of his mother’s medical expenses – especially the hospital stay coupled with her kidney dialysis. I felt it prudent to advise him that he was ineligible for financial aid due to his high income. He turned his head and laughed softly to himself. However, when he turned back, his voice was raised as he asked, “THEN WHAT HELP CAN YOU GIVE ME?!”

What could I have done wrong?